Archive for the 'Humour' Category
For those of you who watch what you eat and after analysing heaps of conflicting medical studies, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.
Facts:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
3. French eat lots of fat and foie gras, drink lots of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
4. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like. It is speaking English that kills you.
We have all had bad dates…..but this takes the cake.This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays. This was on the
“Tonight Show” with Jay Leno.
Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a
woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There
was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold… and the guy had
taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a
day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had
never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they
were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the
mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had
that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest
room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold
it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow
and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better
stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his
car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants
down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let
her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion
stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and in deed was a real
gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the
relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks
were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to
pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her
flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new
problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of
the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about “what is
taking so long” with a reply that indeed, she was “freezing her butt off
and in need of some assistance!”
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She
too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves,
they assessed her dilemma..
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a
real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her
into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there
was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her
first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the
fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands
down… or perhaps that should be “pants down.” ..
And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno’s comment
“This certainly brings a new meaning to Getting Pissed Off” 
:)
This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month, at Shah Alam her name is Priya. She was hit by a lorry. I dont want to mention the name of the college. She has a boy friend named Shankar. He stays in Johor. Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone. U can never see her without her handphone. She spends 3/4 of the day talking with Shankar. Priya’s family knows about their relationship.Shankar is very close with Priya’s family (just imagine their love). Before she passed away she always told her friends “If I pass away please burn me with my handphone” she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people could not lift her coffin. I was there. A lot of them tried to do so but still could not. Everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result was still the same. Eventually, they called their neighbour, a “bomoh” from Thailand (Pak Darin), who is a friend of her father. He took a seat and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said “this girl misses something here”. Then her friends told Darin bout her intention to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone and SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked (Can u feel the fear and goose bumps?)
Priya’s parents didn’t inform Shankar that Priya had passed away (pity Shankar). After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya’s mom. Shankar :….”Aunty, I’m coming home today cook something nice for me. Dont tell Priya that I’m coming home today. I want to suprise her.” Her mother replied…..”U come home first, I want to tell u something very important.” After he came to Shah Alam, they told him the truth about Priya. Shankar thinks that they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said “Don’t try to fool me. Tell Priya to come out. I have a gift for her please stop this nonsense” Then, they showed him the original death certificate to make him believe.(Shankar started to sweat) He said… “It’s not true. We just spoke yesterday. She still calls me”, Shankar was shaking. Suddenly, Shankar’s phone rang. “See this is from Priya. See this…” he showed the phone to Priya’s family. All of them told him to answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode. All of them heard his conversation Loud and Clear. No cross lines, no humming. It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her simcard since it is nailed inside the coffin the were so shocked and asked for Pak Darin’s help again. Pak Darin brought his master (Tok Chen) to solve this matter. He & Darin worked for 5 hours. Then they discovered one thing…
…
…
…
…
…
There’s no coverage like DiGi!!! Connecting people from all over the world and beyond with one flat rate…..ha ha…don’t be madlah. I read till the end too
After 25 years of marriages, I took a good look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old babe.
Now, we have a nice car, nice house, a big bed and Plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 years old woman.It seems to me you are not holding up your side of the deal”.
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old babe, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.
Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve your mid life crisis….
I thought I should start a little humour on this blog featuring myself. Lol. Not out of vanity but I’ve always believed that we should be able to laugh at ourselves even though we may be the laughing stock! This post is extracted from my mommy blog and some may recall reading if you have followed my blog since then.
What a way to start a Monday! It was raining this morning, so that gave me an excuse to eat something hot & spicy again Happily, I drove to my favourite outlet to tapau (pack food). I have this lazy attitude….you see, I’m short sighted and only wear spectacles when I drive. Contact lenses refuse to have anything to do with my eyes, except to make them itch everytime I tried them. As I was passing my order to the See Tau Poh, I happened to glance at a couple sitting nearby. For a nanosecond, I thought the guy looked familiar and he had this expression on his face like he knew me. Absent mindedly, I nodded in his direction and just then, it hit me that I had mistakenly thought he was someone else! In that same split second, the girlfriend or wife (I assumed) was staring daggers at me, probably wondering “WTF is she?” Die or not, you say?
I was too embarassed with my own mistake and quickly turned my back on them. After getting my food, I hastily paid for it & walked off in the opposite direction where my car was parked. Aiyo, I am still feeling so bad for the guy. I can just imagine him denying any allegations from the partner that he knew me “Nolah dear, I don’t know herlah. I swear, she probably mistake me for somebody else or she probably hiau hiau onelah, attracted to me…bla bla bla”.
What excuse should I use this time? Blame it on old age?
Every little helps with Tesco Mortgages
Challenge Churchill with your Home Insurance
- July 2008 (1)
- June 2008 (1)
- May 2008 (5)
- April 2008 (6)
- March 2008 (6)
- February 2008 (5)
- January 2008 (4)
- December 2007 (6)
- November 2007 (13)
- October 2007 (40)
- September 2007 (23)
- August 2007 (26)
- July 2007 (36)
- June 2007 (32)
- May 2007 (26)
- April 2007 (27)
- March 2007 (21)
- February 2007 (15)
- January 2007 (9)
Pages
Admin
